Monday, July 11, 2005

Wrigley s is moving to Georgia

I'm not sure what to make of this astounding news.
Score another one for the State of Georgia. The Wrigley chewing gum folks have announced they are closing one of their plants in Chicago - as soon as the snow melts enough so that they can find it - and transferring many of the jobs to Gainesville. Employees were asked not to giggle and high-five each other.

According to Wrigley spokesman Spiro Ment, the company is making the move because they don't want to be in the same state with a goofy dipstick like Dick Durbin, the senator who compared the United States to Soviet Russia, Nazi Germany and Cambodia's Pol Pot (or Pol Pan, I can't remember). According to Ment, "This guy Durbin is crazy as a bedbug. We would rather be some place where a classy guy like Johnny Isakson is senator and doesn't say stupid stuff and embarrass everybody. Our studies show that when people are embarrassed, they don't chew gum."

It's a real gum cracker! heheh

Oh and here's the real kicker:
For example, it is rumored that the entire city of Boston is contemplating a move to Hahira. "There is no question that this would greatly benefit the citizens of Boston, but it sure wouldn't do much for Hahira," said one official. "Then there is always the risk that Ted Kennedy would come with them. He'd probably get drunk and drive some woman into Booger Barlow's fishpond out off State Route 122, and let her drown while he saved his own sorry hide. We don't want that big fat tub of lard anywhere around our women." - Marietta, Georgia
Link from Lucianne.

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